Can God Choose a Spouse for Us?

 

Yes, God can choose a spouse for you. There are eight examples in the Bible that I was reading about on how God brought couples together that include: Adam and Eve (see Genesis 2:4-25), Isaac and Rebekah (see Genesis 24), Jacob and Rachel (see Genesis 29:1-30), Moses and Zipporah (see Exodus 2:11-25), Samson's marriage to the Philistine woman (see Judges 14), Ruth and Boaz (see the book of Ruth), Esther and King Xerxes (see Esther 2:1-18), and Hosea and Gomer (see Hosea 1:1-11). 

I was looking at these stories to get some insight about God choosing a mate for us and I believe God showed me how everyone's stories were different but there were some similarities that we can learn from.

 For example, if we look in the Bible under Genesis 2:18, God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him." So, He prepared Eve and brought her to Adam as a helpmate. 

Other similar examples of God bringing a spouse to someone as a helpmate are:

Rebekah was prepared to meet Issac because Abraham's servant explained to her and her family that his master sent him to find a wife for his son, and the servant prayed to God for a sign and Rebekah was the one God confirmed; then she was given jewelry and clothing from the servant given to him by Abraham, and she was brought to Issac by the servant, and she helped comfort Issac with the grief of losing his mother, Sarah. 

Zipporah, along with her sisters, were brought to Moses while he sat at a well after running from Egypt to a foreign land. He was alone and needed help with a place to stay. Jethro, Zipporah's father, helped him with a place to stay, food, a job and a new wife after Moses helped Zipporah and her sisters water their sheep because some shepherds drove them away. We know it was God who brought Zipporah or approved of Zipporah because later when Moses' sister Miriam and his brother Aaron spoke against Moses being with her God got angry. 

Rachel was brought to Jacob when he was at a well. He helped her move a stone to get water for her sheep and she helped him find her father that gave him a home. Here we know it was God involved because God gave Jacob the grace to work seven years for Rachel, the scripture says, "because of Jacob's love for Rachael it only felt like a few days." Because of double-dealing and custom Jacob had to work an extra seven years for Rachel (Now that's love). One can argue that Rachel was being prepared while waiting to marry Jacob (she had to at least learn patience considering the amount of time she had to wait).    

Esther and other women were brought to King Xerxes so he could choose a wife. Ester was prepared by her cousin who adopted her by telling her to hide her nationality, and family background.  She was favored by Hegai, who had charge of the Harem and everyone who saw her. Hegai gave her special food and beauty treatments, seven maids and moved her into the best place in the Harem. When she was brought to King Xerxes, he favored her and approved her and crowned her. One can argue, it was God that brought Esther and King Xerxes together or approved of the relationship because of all the favor she received from everyone. I like how Yvonne Orji describes favor in her book Bamboozled by Jesus when she says, "[f]avor is a free gift from Heaven that can override the natural order of things. There are no gimmicks or hidden fees associated with it. You can't work for it or pay for it. All you gotta do is receive it... favor can cause people to go out of their way to be good to you. It doesn't need a reason and it definitely isn't merit based. One moment of favor can catapult you further and faster than a lifetime of labor... [i]t has its own set of rules that can't be explained or questioned. Simply put, it's God's preferential treatment... Basically, people you don't even know to check for will actually be checking for you!" We have seen God in other stories showing other Hebrews, the same nationality as Esther, being favored, and God used their marriage to save His chosen people. Esther will help save King Xerxes' life and he helped her save her people. 

Note: Esther and King Xerxes were brought together by people who worked for the king who suggested that women be brought to him for him to choose from. This and other stories show us that God could use someone to bring you a spouse.  

God could bring you a spouse using someone else.

For example:

Abraham sent his chief servant to find a wife for his son Issac, and the servant brought Rebecca to Issac. We know it was God because the servant prayed for a sign from God and God gave him the sign and the confirmation he asked for. 

Ruth was brought to Boaz through her former mother-in-law, Naomi. Naomi was a Jew, and Ruth left her family and their god for Naomi's God, the true and only God. 

Note: Naomi told Ruth to go and lay at Boaz's feet to position herself to be chosen. Although Boaz didn't know that Ruth would be his wife at that moment because he had to make sure it was clear to be with her because another relative of his had first dibs; however, there are other cases where God does reveal who someone's spouse should be. 

God can reveal who your spouse is by speaking it to you, putting someone in your heart, and/or He can give you a knowing.

For example: 

God spoke to Hosea about his wife's current circumstances. Although God didn't directly tell us in the story that he chose Gomer specifically for Hosea, I believe God did put a knowing in Hosea on who his wife was. I think God telling Hosea Gomer's circumstances were important here just in case Hosea would doubt the marriage because to some she would be considered not the ideal wife. God used Hosea's love for his imperfect wife to illustrate His love to His imperfect people.

Speaking of imperfect, Adam had a perfect wife until she wasn't, but before all that, Adam had a knowing that Eve was his wife because when he saw her, he affirmed her as his wife. Even though he had never seen a woman before, he knew who she was, he knew she was his, and he knew she was made for and from him. 

God gave Samson a knowing of who his wife was when he went down to Timnah and saw her. He went back and told his parents about her, and they questioned his decision not knowing it was God who led him to her (Judges 14:1-4).

God can lead you to your spouse and give you signs and confirmations.

Abraham's servant prayed for a sign to find the right wife for Issac, and God answered his prayer by giving the servant the sign he asked for. The servant praised God for leading him to her. 

To get more examples and a deeper explanation of signs that someone is the one for you, check out my article: "Signs They Are the One". 

I think these stories from the Bible show that God will choose someone for you, and these similarities can give us an indication on who is the one God chose for you, and it can illustrate what we should be doing while we wait.

What should we be doing while we are waiting?

1.Build your relationship with God.  

Seek and focus on God. Get to a point where you are so satisfied with just you and God you don't care if you get married or not. Do this by praying and communicating with Him and get to know Him by reading the Bible. We show God, we love Him through our obedience. He wants us to love Him, surrender to Him, and depend on Him.

For example:

• Adam had fellowship with God. God communicated with him and gave him commands. (See Genesis 2:15-17).
• Before Jacob met Rachel, he had a dream from God. God made promises to Jacob and Jacob believed God and accepted Him as his Lord and surrendered to His will and depended on Him. (See Genesis 28:10-22)
• Abraham's servant was praying to God while waiting. (See Genesis 24:12-14). 
• Issac was meditating before Rachel was brought to him. 

When we pray, we are communicating with God. In order to hear God clearly, we can meditate. 

Meditation is a form of prayer. It helps put your mind at rest, so you can hear from God more clearly. 

2.     Rest

When we are at rest it shows God that we trust Him, and that we believe He will do what He says He will do and what is best for us. 

For example:

• Adam was asleep before Eve was brought to him.
• Boaz was asleep when Ruth followed Naomi's instruction to go put herself in position for him to see her. 
• Moses had just fled Egypt because he was running from Pharaoh trying to kill him and he got to Midian and rested by a well then Zipporah, along with her sisters, came. 
• Issac was meditating when Rachel was brought to him.  

These examples show a physical rest, but our spirit should be at rest, and we should be living our life in rest, even when we are working. We are at rest when whatever we are doing there is an ease and a peace to it, and we are not forcing ourselves to make it happen. We do this by staying focused on God and being align with his will for our lives. When you start to force something or feel an unease in your spirit it is time to stop, readjust, and realign to get back into that rest.  This results to us living in peace and joy. Living in a state of rest shows God that we are prepared for a spouse.

3. Prepare

Some of the stories in the Bible give us examples of preparation in the physical with material possessions when getting ready to meet our spouse. 

For example:

• Ester had to do a year of beauty preparation before having to be presented to the King.
• Rebecca was given jewelry and clothing that Abraham gave the servant to give to her before being brought to Issac.
• Naomi told Ruth to wash herself, put on some perfume, and put on some nice clothes and go position herself for Boaz to see her at the right time. 
• God created Eve suitable for Adam. 

Like God created Eve suitable for Adam we must believe and seek God and get to know Him and surrender to His will so He can make us a new creation in Him. After we have put our hope in God, if it is His will and at the right time, He will position us to meet our spouse. Preparation is about being healed and beautiful on the inside. Before these women in the examples above were given these material things they were already chosen and favored not because of their outside beauty but the beauty they had within. They were respectful and had a loving, pure, gentle, and quiet spirit, and they were serving (see 1 Peter 3:2-5).

4. Service and Purpose

In Genesis 2:15, God put Adam in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. Our purpose here on earth is to serve. Pray for your purpose and move towards what is in your heart. We are all given different abilities that we can serve each other with. While we are waiting on a spouse we should be serving. Some people will say that your job is not considered serving but, in my humble opinion, in some cases, it is serving. Just because you are getting paid doesn't mean you aren't serving. There are some jobs people don't want to do even if they are getting paid because they feel like it is beneath them because they are serving someone else. Whatever your thoughts or position on that, be led by the Holy Spirit and serve. 

Some of the women in the Bible were serving before they met their spouse. 

 For example:

• Rebecca came to the well to get their sheep water. 
• Zipporah and her sisters were going to the well to get their sheep water from the well. 
• Rachael was getting her sheep water as well and served the servant's sheep that was sent by Abraham. 

While we are serving, we have to remember we are serving for God and not man. Now, man benefits from our service, but we are doing it for our love for God. 

On the other hand, we have to depend on God to take care of us, and He may use man to help us. 

For example:

•  Before God brought Eve to Adam, God took care of Adam. He gave Adam a home and food to eat, and Adam was obeying God by working and taking care of the plants and animals. 
• Moses was working for Jethro when he was given his wife Zipporah, and he was given a home and food.
• Jacob was working for Rachel's father when he was given his wife Rachel, and he was given a place to stay and food.

5.  Live and enjoy your life!

Stay in the present. Don't dwell on the future because it could make you anxious, because you could anxiously want to get there faster, and dwelling on the past could make you sad or depressed thinking about all you had to endure. If you are not living in the moment, you are missing out on what life is offering you now. Waiting shouldn't feel like waiting, it should feel like you are living your life. So, rest in God, and trust that He will do what He says, and don't worry about anything. Become the best you, and help and love others, praise and worship Him with singing and dancing, enjoy your hobbies, become more proficient in your gifts, fellowship with other believers, and live! 

Don't search for the promises, search for God.

    When should you search for a spouse?

You should actively search for a spouse when you have sought God and He has instructed you to do so.

In reference to the Bible, when a man searched for a wife, he was instructed to do so by God, or someone did the searching for him. 

For example:

• Abraham instructed his chief servant to search for a wife for Issac.
• King Xerxes men searched for a potential wife for him to choose from.
• God told Hosea to go find an adulterous wife.

We shouldn't just go out searching on our own for a mate because God has a purpose and a plan for us and it is our job to seek Him, believe in Him, depend on Him, and trust Him.  

The Bible says we can't trust our heart because it can mislead us. So many people are afraid to truly fall in love because it will result with a broken heart, but if we put our trust in God and allow Him to choose our spouse for us, we can trust that He will take care of us no matter what happens because we are in His perfect will for our lives.  We should be guided by and dependent on the Holy Spirit to lead us to the right people (Jeremiah 17:9), because we don't know man's heart, motives or intentions; so, we have to depend on God in order to give us the relationships that were uniquely designed for us. 

In conclusion, again, yes, God will choose a spouse for us. Everyone's story will be different, but there will be some similarities. He will present a wife-to-be to her to-be-husband, and He just may use someone to assist Him in the matter. Somehow, God will let you know that that person is the one, and He will confirm it to you. So, be patient and wait and stay focus on your relationship with God.  

Thank you for reading this article I hope you found it helpful and informative. 

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Bamboozled by Jesus by Yvonne Orji - OMGosh this book is so good. It's spiritual, encouraging, inspirational, entertaining, and Yvonne's humor is everything.